


Knitwear

by tsukinofaerii



Category: Marvel Ultimates
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-23
Updated: 2011-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-26 10:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukinofaerii/pseuds/tsukinofaerii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is sensitive to the fact that Steve doesn't like being cold. Pepper doubts his genius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knitwear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cookinguptales](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookinguptales/gifts).



> With thanks to Valtyr for a quick look-over.

"Pepper, do you knit?"

Pepper looked up from her—Tony's—computer monitor. The end of the fiscal year was just around the corner, and God knew Tony wasn't going to handle the paperwork.

Especially not in the condition he was in. Tony swayed on his feet, eyes bloodshot and hair a mess. He looked like he'd just come off a three day stint in the Iron Man armor—and Pepper had seen that before, so she knew what it looked like. Which didn't make sense, really. Since they'd married, Steve had gotten good at making Tony sleep, and she knew that he'd gotten a full eight hours just the night before. A piece of paper was clutched between his fingers, winkled and torn and just a little greasy.

This, she suspected, was going to be one for the scrapbook. "Technically, yes," Pepper answered slowly, selecting her words with care. "I haven't since high school."

"Great!" Tony's eyes lit up, and yes, there was that dimbulb _I Haven't Slept in Seventy Two Hours Don't Take Me Seriously_ expression she knew so well. He thrust the paper at her, like a little kid with a letter for Santa. "Can you make one of those? Extra large, in red, white and blue."

Frowning, Pepper pried the paper from Tony's fingers, laying it on her desk to smooth the wrinkles out. It was... She wasn't really sure what it was, actually. Two knitted sacks connected at one half of the opening. One was long and thin, while the other was rounder. For a million dollars, she couldn't have figured out what it was supposed to be. "Tony— what is this?"

"It's a dick warmer!"

Pepper almost choked on her own tongue. "A _what_?"

"A dick warmer!" Tony repeated earnestly, staring at her with huge, unfocused eyes. "Steve's birthday is in a few weeks and I wanted to get him something special."

Long ago, Pepper had learned not to question Tony's seemingly random impulses, but this one was pushing it. "Why don't you just buy him one?"

"It has to be _special_ , Pepper." Tony's hands slapped against her desk as he leaned forward, actually, honest to God _pouting_. "It wouldn't be the same if I patronized the crass commercial dick warmer vendors of the internet."

That clinched it. "You've been talking to Thor, haven't you?"

"He brought us brownies," Tony grinned, and God, Pepper wished there were cameras in her office. It was the sort of footage that would have gotten her a raise. "Delicious brownies, untouched by the taint of capitalism."

"I'll bet I know what they were tainted with instead." Still, Pepper had to push back a fond smile. It was good to see Tony _happy_ , even if it was because Thor got him high. "I'll see what I can do."

Leaning forward, Tony smacked a kiss to Pepper's cheek. "You're the best."

"Go watch cartoons, Tony," she ordered gently.

He nodded, head bobbing like it was on a string. "Thor promised to introduce me'n'Steve to My Little Pony. Friendship is _magic_ , Pepper. _Magic_."

"That's... very nice, Tony." She patted his cheek. "You go watch that and I—I'll see what I can do for Steve, okay?"

Tony toddled off, pausing to be distracted by the doorknob before heading back to the communal area of the mansion. Pepper snorted, looking down at the picture. It was actually a fairly simple design, and she'd been meaning to start knitting again. Wool or acrylic would be too scratchy, but maybe a soft merino...

Setting the printout aside, Pepper minimized the budget and opened up a browser window to do a yarn search.

If she couldn't have video of Tony Stark high as a kite, she'd at least be able to get a picture of Steve Stark opening his birthday present.

**Author's Note:**

> [This exists.](http://www.etsy.com/listing/72175830/captain-america-willy-warmer)


End file.
